I've been away from my computer for the past few days ~ we've had some sickness around the household for the past week, and as you know, it's hard to back on track. We're all healthy now, praise the Lord, so I'm ready to get back into gear!
Wow! We've only 5 more chapters of this book to go! There's so much information in this chapter of Proverbs! So far, we've learned how God's beautiful woman manages her home, her family, her business and finances. I've shared how motivated I am to strive to be more like this lady ~ it's a heart and mind change as well as a lifestyle change! It hasn't been easy for me, but God's been good to remind me of verses from His Word and phrases from this study that keep me on track.
Today's study is a challenging one for me ~ kindness in speech. It goes hand in hand with wisdom ~ knowing when/when not to say something. Not exactly my strong point, sisters. Ever heard the phrase "Open mouth, insert foot?" That's me, I'm afraid. I usually have to apologize for what I've said. Well, since there's no time like the present, let's just go ahead and plunge right on in, shall we?
First of all, God cares about what we say and how we say it! If you don't think so, please read James chapter 3! The entire chapter is devoted to the evils of the tongue! What's the big deal? Why does God care what we say, or how we say it? ~ Check out verses 8-13 ~
"But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? Either a vine, figs? So can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom."
A Fountain of Life:
Remember the example of the fountain in that hidden garden in an earlier chapter? How it offered refreshment and joy as a respite from the heat, fumes and loudness of the day? Mrs. George wrote that in the brutal heat and parched land of Israel, water is chosen above food! This bubbly flow is a perfect example of the use of our words. Proverbs 10:11 states, "The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life." The writer of this Proverb knows how important water is in sustaining life, and he compares godly speech to life-giving water.
Wise in Speech:
"She opens her mouth with wisdom." In other words, her mouth's not always open! She doesn't speak unless she has something kind or wise to say.
Kind in Heart:
"...on her tongue is the law of kindness." In other words, she has the "spirit and manner of a gentle and benevolent heart, revealing a kindly disposition and a fear of unnecessarily offending. She isn't hurtful or destructive with her words. As the Greek translation puts it, 'she places order on her tongue'."
Mrs. George writes, "Every person in [our Lady's] life (and ours!) means that words must be spoken, and the Proverbs 31 woman makes sure her words are wise and kind. In ancient Jewish marriages, not only was the content of a woman's speech important, but the volume of her voice was important as well." In fact, her "loudness" was measured by whether or not her neighbors could hear her speak while they were in their own house!
Absence of Malice:
Sometimes noticing what's missing speaks volumes! Look at what's absent in the speech of our example:
1. No gossip.
2. No slander.
3. Nothing unkind about/toward others.
4. No complaining.
5. No humor at the expense of others.
6. Nothing indiscreet or unwholesome.
7. No meaningless talk of trivial things.
"Those who are not gracious talk of wrong things. Those who are gracious but not wise talk too much."
Listening to God's Beautiful Woman: 2 Biblical Role Models
1. Hannah ~ "An [amazing] woman who opened her mouth very little under very difficult circumstances! Married to a man who had another wife, Hannah endured not only childlessness as her rival bore child after child, but also cruel and ongoing provocations from that woman (1 Samuel 1:1-7). Again and again insult was added to injury, yet Hannah chose to say nothing in response.
With great agony of soul, she went to the house of the Lord (the right place and the right Person) to pray about her situation (the right solution). The intensity of her praying caused the high priest to think she must be drunk, and he said scornfully, "How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you" (vs. 14). But dear, noble Hannah answered with wisdom and according to the law of kindness, graciously explaining her pain and appealing to his understanding. In the end, she received his priestly blessing." (God opened her womb and she gave birth to the Prophet Samuel).
2. Abigail ~ "Married to the foolish, alcoholic Nabal, Abigail used some carefully chosen words to successfully walk a tightrope of danger. When her husband rebuffed David's kindness and mistreated his men, her servants reported Nabal's insulting behavior to her. She intercepted David on his mission to annihilate all that belongs to Nabal ~ including herself and the servants. Acting quickly ~ and with wisdom and kindness ~ Abigail met David with abundant food for his 600 men. Then, prostrate on the ground before the enraged David, Abigail begged his forgiveness. With her sensible reasoning and words of wisdom spoken in accordance with the law of kindness, she successfully persuaded David not to take vengeance on her husband." When she returned home, Nabal was too drunk to listen, so she wisely said nothing of the danger until the next day. Abigail "lives on in history as a wise woman, a skillful negotiator, and a persuasive speaker."
The How-To's of Beautiful Speech:
1. Establish two guidelines ~ 1) Speak only if the words are wise, and 2) Speak only if the words are kind. (Proverbs 31:26) "By following these same two guidelines, you will always have something to say that's worth saying (wisdom), and you'll say it in the right way (with kindness).
2. Think before you speak ~ "The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil." (Proverbs 15:28) Literally pause and think about your words before you speak them. Make it your goal to carefully select wording that measures up to God's standards of wisdom and kindness.
3. Learn to wait ~ "When something unpleasant happens, make it your first "law " to do and say nothing. If you must respond, remember "a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)
4. Add sweetness to your speech ~ "Speaking pleasantly will always make others more willing to listen and be instructed." Proverbs 16:21 says, "Sweetness of the lips increases learning."
5. Add persuasiveness to your speech ~ Be kind and speak sweetly, but please know what you're talking about! Your speech is an indicator of what is in your mind!
6. Err on the side of less ~ Consider Proverbs 10:19 ~ "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise." Also, Proverbs 17:28 ~ "Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace."
Sisters, God wants us to be that fountain of life in the harsh, arid desert of our cruel, "in-your-face" world. By using sweet speech, we can refresh, encourage, cheer and uplift all those we encounter. Our words can be used to promote health (Proverbs 12:18) that can heal the downhearted! What a blessing we can be to someone who needs a kind word!
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