Chapter 16 ~ A Man of Influence ~ Her Husband

Proverbs 31:23 "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land."

Mrs. George begins this chapter with this statement: "Although our culture may not value it, one of the wife's most important roles is to support her husband."
When I first read it, I realized how true that statement is. Today's view of marriage is 50/50. Both usually work full-time jobs, just to make ends meet. It's not uncommon for the husband to do half of the housework, half of the childcare, or half of the cooking. Shared responsibility is a good thing, so what does Mrs. George mean?

Marriage to a Man of Influence:
"Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land." Back in the OT times, the cities were completely walled around for protection, but, obviously, there were gates to allow entry and exit. According to Mrs. George, (who has been to Israel and has seen these gates) these gates had one or two large rooms built into the wall. Some of these rooms served as official government offices. These rooms were where legal and governmental decisions were made. This is where our lady's husband is "known". He "sits among the elders of the land." This tells us that he may have had a seat in the gate, possibly an elder himself. He was well-known because "he sits in the council chambers with other respected civic leaders who are conducting legal business. An honored citizen, he is held in high esteem by the townspeople and the officials of this community and, therefore, is truly a man of influence."

Behind Every Good Man:
Mrs. George likens this influential couple as a pair of bookends. "Both of them are pillars in the community, both are known in the gates (verses 23 and 31), and both are committed to the good of others (verses 20 and 23)." She then gives evidence of how they work together:
"1. He contributes to the community; she is his helpmeet. (Genesis 2:18)
2. He is successful in the realm of city management; she is successful in the realm of family and home management.
3. He is happy at work; she is happy at home.
4. He is respected and held in high esteem; she preserves and advances his honor by her conduct and example.
5. He is deferred to as a solid, influential citizen; she brings credit to him.
6. He is a counselor, a man of common sense and not-so-common insight; she speaks with loving wisdom.
7. He exerts his influence on the life of the community in the city gates; she influences the community from home.
8. He is known for his solid character and important contribution; so is she.
9. He has achieved some worldly wealth and social status; she improves his financial situation as well as his social standing by what she is to him and what she does for him as a wife.
10. He has reached his professional aims; she has helped him do so by her diligence and frugality.
11. He has earned prestige; she is respected for her creative handiwork.
12. He is a virtuous man; she is a virtuous woman.
13. He is crowned with honor; she is his crown. (Proverbs 12:4)"

A Woman of Influence:
Okay, that was then, this is now. My husband isn't involved in politics or legal issues, so how does this verse concern me? Well, we can contribute to our husband as he pursues his career and serves the Lord in his job. How? Remember how his heart can "trust in us"? That means he has no worries at home. In fact, his home enhances his reputation. We are the ones who "fill him up and send him off to be a blessing to others." Our support isn't just a paycheck or a clean house. It's the way you take care of him, his home, his children, and most importantly, his well-being.

The How-To's of Beauty:
1. Praise him! (Proverbs 3:27 and 31:12)
2. Encourage him. Don't focus on correcting him. Encouragement helps far more.
(Proverbs 12:25 and 31:26)
3. Take care of your marriage. In case you haven't realized it yet, marriage takes work! God has called us as wives to pray for our husbands and respect them. (Ephesisans 5:33). Read this verse from the Amplified Bible: "Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband ~ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates (holds in the highest regard) and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly." Whoa! Okay, I'm overwhelmed here! Thankfully, we have the rest of our lives and God's help to do this!
4. Take care of your family. As a wife, God has called us to take care of our family. We are to run our husband's home smoothly and effectively. In doing this, we can contribute to his public reputation and his usefulness in the church. (1Timothy 3:4-5)
5. Take care of your home. Remember those words "choose" and "joyfully"? Let's ask the Lord to help us choose to be joyful, even handling those "daily drudgeries"!
6. Take care of your finances. Be wise in money management.
7. Let him go. Especially when it comes to church needs. I can sometimes allow resentment to creep in when my husband uses his at-home time to prepare to teach a Sunday school lesson or fill in for Bible study. I need to remember that my husband belongs to God, not to me.
8. Support his dreams. "...Whatever your husband's job, his place of employment, his sphere of influence, pour your strength into him by supporting rather than ignoring, belittling, or even laughing at his dreams."
9 Realize that your behavior is a reflection on him. Is this one of the reasons that your husband is known and respected?

"Like a pair of bookends, husband and wife should stand together as a unit, facing together and managing together all the facets and challenges, all the causes and concerns, all the opportunities and dreams that make up your life together. Rejoice that you are equal in influence and contribution, although you live out that influence and contribution in separate arenas. Rejoice when you husband is the center of attention, when he excels, when he is recognized and honored."